Okay guys, I know that Haggis wrote this, but I’m reviewing it in order to keep it a fair review.
I’ll be honest. I know very little about poems, but I’ll do my best to make it look like I know what I’m doing.
I like a poem that rhymes, as it gives the reader a rhythm to follow, helping to increase their reading experience. In this case, the use of rhyming couplets allows the reader to follow this basic, yet enjoyable rhythm right through to the end.
The use of imagery, especially during the description of bodily acts. I like being able to visualise what I’m reading, and when the words describe something I find enjoyable, it really helps to make it worth reading. In this case, Haggis has written brilliantly. I find it easy to imagine in my head, the actions being described. It’s also easy to sense the passion in Haggis’ words. I confess that I’ve been talking to him about this topic for the last two hours, before he started writing this, and as such, I know exactly how passionate he is about the subject. His words show exactly what he described in our chat, which when combined with his writing ability and the rhyming couplets, makes for enjoyable and in my opinion, heart-felt reading. The way that the acts being suggested to show his devotion are written, help to make us feel pity for the narrator, as he would go to the ends of the earth to be with her.
Now, I’m not going to sugar-coat this, because frankly, I’ve not eaten in the last 8 hours, I’m peckish and if I go downstairs, I’ll probably wake someone up. The poem just feels a bit too long and ‘woe is me’. Now, I like a good sob story, but this one takes the biscuit, talking about how he wonders if she can take him with his flaws.
I do however, like this poem a lot. That last paragraph might not show this, but I do. It shows passion within its folds, but combines the pleasant rhyme with the agonising fear that he is not good enough for her, regardless of how he feels about her.
In conclusion, the poem is good. ‘What Can I Do?’ is a brilliant title for this poem, as he asks what he can do to be with her, yet he describes what he would like from her, mostly in the form of physical acts, asking the rhetorical question, ‘What Can You Do?’. I look forwards to reading more of your poems Haggis!
What Can I Do?
This poem is about a woman I long to love, yearn to hold, ache to touch. Still, we share the words “I love you” and each time those three beautiful words spill from her lips all the aching, all the yearning subsides and I’m filled with such a lush peace that the world around me floats away. I love this woman, I would walk to the ends of the earth to hold her in my arms and call her mine.
‘Tell me what I’d have to change. Who would I have to be.
To slip into your arms; for you to make sweet love to me.
Must I climb the highest cliff; swim along the ocean floor
Crawl over broken glass – would you demand that I do more?
Could you take me as I am, with my issues and my flaws
Pull me to your chest without a hesitation or a pause?
Slide your hungry tongue between my parted lips.
Run your anxious fingers along my quivering hips
Wrap me in your passion, expose your every need.
Press your steamy lips to mine, every secret freed.
Sprinkle your tears across my cheek, confess every desire
Moan my name, call me yours, and set my soul on fire.
Need me more with every breath that slips into your chest,
please me nightly, miss me daily, never compare me with the rest.
Grip my wrists – look in my eyes, and say the words I long to hear.
Kiss me roughly and weep my name, forever hold me dear.
Do I ask for wishes that could never quite come true
Is my sin, my greatest fault, that I can’t stop loving you?!’