That Guy’s Christmas, 2011


Yes. I’m reviewing Christmas now. Yes. I know it was different for everyone. Yes. You can comment about how your Christmas went, using the comment box at the bottom of the screen. These are all 3 good things. I assure you…

Where to start? Well, I saw Xmas day in at midnight, so I’ll start there. I was watching Blackadder Rides Again, which just happened to be informative, insightful and enjoyable to watch. This is good. Shortly afterwards, I went to bed and was awoken at about 8:30.

Lie-In aside, the first hour was taken up with the exchange of gifts, the resultant thank you’s and conversation. Not a lot really happened after that with the exception of me assisting in the construction of a doll’s pushchair,  and nipping to the shop to buy a bottle of cherry coke (£1.99 a bottle – takes the piss).

By our return, my mother decided to start cooking the turkey. The fool (bless her)  left it to defrost for getting on for 48 hours, in a warm room… It stank the apartment out. So, she popped to the shop and got some chicken Pukka Pies for us to eat as our Christmas Lunch…

Lunch was surprisingly tasty (yes – I critique that as well) and was followed by afternoon films. I watched Despicable Me on my new portable DVD player… (WOOT!) before noticing everyone either sleeping or playing in silence. THIS is how Xmas should not be.  Everyone should be together and happy and chilling out.

Ok – so the afternoon passed by quickly and without incident. Teatime was met with the arrival of grandparents, gifts and plenty of hugging. This was fine. I can live with this. It made me a little bit richer and I got a great T-Shirt.

Tea was the typical buffet of Indian food, western food and most importantly, the salad that NO-ONE wants to eat… I ate quite well.

Grandparents left at 7:05, screwing up the first 5 minutes of Dr Who, which just so happened to be shit, so it didn’t matter.

The rest of the evening was filled with TV which i don’t really remember too well, other than EastEnders and Man Lab, before watching an Xmas themed Family Guy and Blue Harvest. I went to bed shortly after.

Now, this was the Christmas of 2 firsts. The first time I didn’t have turkey at lunch, and the first time I wasn’t at home for Christmas. Why would that be? Well, I shouldn’t tell you, but I will. In August, my parents split up. I chose to stay at home with Dad, while Mum took my sisters to Peterborough as their primary carer. We spent Christmas with her. Hence, my first Christmas away from home.

So, how would I rate it? Well, throughout the last month, I have had one lyric playing over and over and over again. ‘While you’re still waiting for the snow to fall, it doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all’. Coldplay says it all. It didn’t feel like Christmas and EVERY other Xmas in my short life has felt like it. How can I enjoy something that feels artificial? Other than breasts. But I’m a perv. I’m allowed to say that. I have a permit and everything. Honest. NO. DON’T CHECK!

So, Christmas. Was it fun? Yes. Was it enjoyable? To a fashion. Would I do it the same next year? HELL NO! I need Christmas to feel like Christmas.  It didn’t and as such, it wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad either though. It was sort of in the middle. Like finding out you could become the richest person on the planet, but to do so, you’d have to have your knob lopped out. It’s a medium feeling experience. What do you do? (Become extremely rich is the answer)

So. Christmas was mediocre. Mother, Father. If either of you are reading this, don’t take it personally, but next year, you’re spending Christmas with me and I’ll show you how it’s done… But Dad’s cooking…

Christmas.

5/10

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3 thoughts on “That Guy’s Christmas, 2011

  1. Some classic lines in there:

    “Like finding out you could become the richest person on the planet, but to do so, you’d have to have your knob lopped out.” – My personal Favourite

  2. Just loving your work J. Xxx

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