Ah – Thanatophobia. 100 points if you guess it before you carry on reading.
Thanatophobia is, without a doubt, the one fear that pretty much everyone has as some point. The fear of death. Not Death. Not dying. Death. I don’t fear the big cloaked skeleton, nor the act of experiencing death, but rather, it happening to me. I kind of look forwards to experiencing it. I want to know what it feels like to be ripped from this Earth. What I don’t want, is for it to happen any time soon.
I suppose what I fear most about death, is that I won’t have done everything I wanted to do. I want to be a dad. I want to be a grandad. I want to be a writer that people will remember long after my death. This won’t happen if I die tomorrow, will it? You won’t remember me. You might say you will, but you won’t.
What I want most of all, is to inspire someone I will never meet, that will be born after I die, through my writing. That, my dear reader, is my dream. I will never know that it’s happened, but still, that’s what I want.
So, my fear of death. Why? For what purpose? I can’t stop it, can I? I can’t cheat death. I’m not in a Final Destination film, although, to be fair, everyone dies in them anyway…
What do I think about thanatophobia? I think it’s a natural part of human nature, that everyone experiences at some point and I look forwards to finding out what all the fuss is about. We’ll see, won’t we?
Overall score of thanatophobia? Well, it’s a bit scary – the thought that, at any minute, I could drop dead and I might not be found for days and days, keeps me up at night sometimes. Tonight’s okay though. I have plans. People’d find out by Wednesday, at the latest.
But it’s also a motivator. It keeps me going. Keeps me doing things. I write because I want to be known as a somebody after my death. I am the best person I can be to the people who matter, because I want them to remember me as a great person. I try to be the best partner I can be, because I know, one day, I’ll be gone from her life and, regardless of how I leave, there’ll always be that one more time I’ll want to tell her I love her.
So, soppy stuff out-of-the-way, what is the final score?