Hrudolfensis’ Opinions On… North Korean Nukes

I hate to write a review so soon after my last one and I  don’t want to use up all my good material in my first two days on the job but I have to talk about North Korea.

I love North Korea. It is the funniest country on earth mainly because they seem to be like the Nazi’s from WWII comedies. A nebulous evil power completely tyranical but it fails in all its endeavours due to it being completely inept. Actually scratch the Nazis, North Korea is like Team Rocket.

The news about North Korea this week is they’ve declared war on the world again. If you don’t remember the last time that happened was shortly before Kim Jong-il died, so to their credit they’ve managed to go longer than usual. Now I can hear what your saying, “H-rudolf… Herudolf… New reviewer whose name I have difficulty pronouncing. Shouldn’t we be afraid, North Korea has nuclear missiles and they’re crazy enough to use them.”. Yes I will agree that North Korea has nukes and yes they’re crazy enough to use them. But the country most at risk of being hit by North Korean nukes is North Korea. They have the technological prowess of the orcs from “Warhammer 40K” and any launch will most likely end with Kim Jong-un blasting off again.

But lets say that the worst happens and the North Koreans successfully launch a nuclear missile. Well looking at the map of missile ranges the people that they can hit are South Korea, China (Their friend), Russia, Japan, A whole lot of ocean, New Zealand and Just maybe Alaska. Now I know that this list actually seems fairly long but if you take out the places that aren’t targets you’re left with South Korea, Japan and Alaska. Then when you factor in that they’re actually lying about the range of their missiles you’re left with South Korea and Japan.

Ok so that’s not so good for South Korea and Japan but you have to remember that Japan has the best self-defence force in the world and South Korea has a huge American military presence Any missile launched to hit either of those places would be shot down 10ft off the ground.

I’ve compared North Korea to many things today, Orcs, Team Rocket, Comedy Nazis. But I think only one thing really works. North Korea is that little fat kid at school, that one that buys nunchucks to seem dangerous but breaks his nose the moment he uses them. That little fat kid provides hours of amusement even though we know each time he concusses himself he’ll run of crying threatening to kill us all.

Just as a finishing point. I encourage you to make your own North Korea jokes in the comments bellow. But please not Kim Jong-un jokes. Since his father died he’s been feeling very rone-ry.



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