Walled In


Well, here’s another film review from That Guy. I watched this on Saturday, as part of my girlfriend’s birthday celebrations. We decided to stay in, watch movies and have a few drinks, before chilling out some more. One film we watched, was Walled In.

It was I who suggested we watch this film – I deemed it suitable given her fondness of horror, and the potential it had to be a spine-tingler. In the end, it seemed quite pants. Excuse my British turn of phrase – the film sucked. It blows. It is a shitty film.

Why do I say this? The plot was convoluted to the point of ridiculous, but not so that I couldn’t follow it. I know that’s almost a contradiction, but the way everything was intertwine made it feel like they’d chosen various elements of a film, then spent months finding a way to link it all together.

Where’s my proof? Ooh, pyramids are mysterious and beliefs were had that having a sacrifice in a building made it last longer – look at the pyramids – and the architect died in the building but he’s not dead he is letting himself be sacrificed to support his building’s longevity!

Does that not seem ridiculous to you? I know that’s a cliché of the horror genre, but there’s got be a line somewhere… Please?

The plot was stupid – but what about the acting? Well, I thought the bloke that played the architect, whose name does not feature on the Wikipedia page for the film, was probably the best actor, followed by the black guy. Mischa Barton, the only name that meant anything to me, was terrible in it. She had no depth, her facial expressions were too limited and she shows fear like a cat shows loyalty.

Loyal Cat?

That is to say, terribly…

I have long been known to consider Knowing to be the worst film ever made, but please be aware that this is a close second, in that contest. A very close second.

I suggest we get all of the copies of this film and everyone who would willingly watch it again, through them all in a wicker-man and destroy them… And Nicholas Cage while we’re at it. He can do a crappy Edward Woodward impression then…

2/10

That Guy : Never Suggesting A Horror Film Again!

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