That Guy’s Top Ten People To Meet In The Afterlife


Well, isn’t this an interesting turn of events? That Guy writing another list? It’s got to have been a long time, hasn’t it? Even I can’t remember what my last list was, but, I know that our lists are popular, and so, here I am, hoping that you’ll all find this to be an interesting post.

This started off as part of a conversation in yesterday’s monthly site meeting, where we somehow got to discussing the people we’d like to meet if we went to Hell, and that we’d all write a post on it. After much thought, I realised that we’re opening ourselves up to a load of lawsuits if we pick a living celebrity (If we hadn’t discussed our posts before hand, I have bet money that Benny says Piers Morgan), so as a disclaimer for all of our posts, please see the following:

We, TGTRS, do not, in any of our “meeting people in the afterlife” posts, sign up to any particular religious belief, concept of an afterlife, or seriously mean that any particular person, either living or dead, will go to any such place, if it exists. We do not mean to cause offence and if offence has been experienced, then read our other disclaimer, here.

Now that that’s been said, who do I want to meet in the afterlife? Well, I’m not sure where I’ll end up, so, for ease, we’ll flip a coin. Heads for Hell, Tails for Heaven… Okay, Hell is it.

10 – Piers Morgan

Now, who can resist punching a face like that?

Okay, so, Benny’s not the only one to despise this man, and if Hell is the ultimate punishment for everyone, then there are 2 reasons why I’d like to meet Piers Morgan there. First, it’d be worth going, just to know that he was there too, and second, because then, I’ll do whatever I could to find a way onto some sort of work-program where I get a lesser punishment for whatever I’ve done, in exchange for working as the devil’s stooge, punishing the twat-face above. Oh, and a third reason – can you name a non-murderer (in any sense of the term) that could be more deserving of a spot in hell?

9 – Adolf Hitler

Okay, so, I know my history, and I know that Hitler was a very bad man, but let’s be honest here – he’d have a few great stories to tell, surely? His time in WW1, the prison term, being leader of Germany and, a pretty sizeable part of Europe, for a while. Then there’s hearing all about WW2 from an entirely new perspective. I mean, don’t get me wrong – the Nazi’s did some horrendous things during the Second World War, but I can guarantee you that there’s been some propaganda involved…

Mein Kampf, or “I’m Camp”? I never could understand German…

8 – Jeffrey Dahmer

The face only the dead could love…

I read about Dahmer in a book about serial killers I borrowed from my girlfriend, took to work and sort of never finished. Although, having read that, I realised that a fair few “crime-solving” shows actually follow the “science” quite closely. I mean, bits of Lie To Me, Criminal Minds and if memory serves, Numbers, held true to the science described in the book.

As for wanting to meet him, I guess it doesn’t have to be him – it could be any serial killer. Not because they’re cool, but because I’d like to meet someone who is, undoubtedly, psychotic, just so that I have that experience under my belt.

7 – Judas Iscariot

Okay, so, I’m not much of a believer in religion – not since the great Free-Ism creation of 2010 – but I do know a few important details about a few religions (although, to be fair, they are all denominations of Christianity…)

Judas, supposedly, betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, then, racked with the guilt (or the realisation that if he waited, he could have got 100, maybe more, pieces of silver), he hung himself. Now, that’s 2 reasons to go to hell, according to various religious viewpoints, so he’s kind of definitely going. As for wanting to meet him, well… This man is, technically speaking, both God’s downfall, and the greatest pawn in the chess-match that is religion. Got to be worth hearing his side of it, right?

He’s the one giving it all the tongue…

6 – Jack Nicholson

Jack Nicholson – making uncontrollable hair the symbol of insanity since Cuckoo’s Nest…

I actually quite like Jack Nicholson, but let’s be honest here – out of all the people we know of, who would we be least surprised to find in the seat that belongs to the guy in charge? Well, for me, it’s Jack Nicholson. I mean, look at that face. Tell me that’s not the loveable face of Satan!

5 – Elizabeth Hurley

Exactly the same reason as Jack, above, but in this case, more because I think Satan is most likely a woman who God pissed off (if they exist), and if anyone would be capable of pulling that off, it’s Lizzie – plus, she was great in Bedazzled and I like a bit of fan-service… I mean, look at them legs!

Liz Hurley – making men and women sin since the Garden of Eden

4 – George Lucas

Case in caption. End of.

THIS MAN MADE JAR JAR BINKS! HE MADE REVENGE OF THE SITH! BURN GEORGE! BURN!

3 – Jimmy Savile

Putting the Vile in Savile

Now then, now then, guys and gals, as it happens, there’s very few people who make me feel sick when I think of them – I mean, I’ve heard of a fair few despicable people, but of all of them, I think Savile is the worst. I mean, goodness gracious, that man could do no right, could he? There are few things in the world that I would like more than to meet him, in hell, and kick him in his sick, fucking face. How’s about that, then?

2 – Jack The Ripper

And it’s not even collection day… He’s going to get a fine…

Now, let’s be honest – this is a guy who’s going to go to hell, and since that’s certain, and the only way to really know who he was, is to meet him, what else am I going to do? I want to know! I NEED TO KNOW!

1 – Ian Brennan

Okay – so there’s some real cunts on this list – Savile and Morgan my main examples – but of all the people I can think of, this is the one who did the worst thing to me. This is the man who created Glee. Not single-handedly, of course, but from what I’ve seen, he was the first person to come up with the show, but as a film. That, to me, means he has killed music. Glee, to me, ruined what music is all about and I’ll never forgive him, or the other creators, for that. Burn in hell, Ian Brennan. Burn in hell!

BURN!

Okay, so they’re my top ten. If you happen to be on here, then, well… You’re one sick fuck, or you’ve wronged me. Don’t wrong me again by suing. As for anyone who have been, or may know, a victim of any of the above, you have the sympathies of all of the TGTRS writing force.

That Guy

Who would you pick? Leave your answer in the comments below…

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2 thoughts on “That Guy’s Top Ten People To Meet In The Afterlife

  1. You know, i think that’s how God will eventually decide your fate… by flipping a coin 😛

    • Hey, if that’s how morally ambiguous I’ve been throughout my whole life, then I consider it a win on my part. Especially given the state of my internet history… 😉

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